Sunday, August 25, 2013

Serious matters to ponder

My oldest son, Hunter, and I, we like to ponder things together-but usually, we ponder the most random things that "normal" people don't think about.

One day, we started talking about the movie, Gremlins.  It probably came up because my kids' Furbies look a lot like the extremely adorable Gizmo, the Mogwai in the movie.  He's so cute, with his adorable little voice, and when he sings in his cute little language.

If you've ever seen Gremlins, then you know the #1 rule: NEVER, EVER FEED A MOGWAI AFTER MIDNIGHT! If you do...GREMLINS!!

Somehow, Hunter and I started to wonder...let's say you live on the East Coast (like I do), and you take your Mogwai with you on a vacation to, say, California, on the West Coast, which obviously is in a different time zone.  To follow the, "no feeding after midnight," rule, do you go by when it's midnight in the time zone you're in right now, or the time zone you live in? Does the Mogwai have some sort of internal clock mechanism so it can determine when it's midnight where it is? Does one need to stick to the, "no food after midnight" rule according to location, or according to home base??

And another thing...what time does that rule expire? If you really think about it...9:00 a.m. is still after midnight.  3:00 p.m. is still "technically" after midnight.  I mean, Mogwai has to eat sometime, right? So, how does one know when it's safe to feed it without fear of spawning a plethora of Gremlins??

My husband thinks Hunter and I are weird for even thinking about this in the first place, and he said we probably have too much time on our hands if we are capable of even thinking about it.  But really, these are important questions, and it's probably a good thing we thought about it, for the sake of Mogwai owners everywhere.  I mean, if SOMEONE doesn't think of these things, there really could be some serious consequences.  Do YOU want a Gremlin in YOUR house? Didn't think so.  You're welcome.

Monday, August 5, 2013

What NOT to tell a woman who wants chocolate

Eating healthy is something that is important to me. Obviously, in order to live a long and healthy life, fruits and vegetables are the choice foods to achieve that goal. Whatever the My Plate by USDA recommends. I love fruits and veggies-I was the only kid in my family who ate them. My grandma use to fuss at me for going into her garden and getting into her carrots and cucumbers. 

 But, lemme tell ya something, folks. When a woman is craving chocolate, and apple or a handful of baby carrots JUST DON'T CUT IT. Carrots don't taste like chocolate. Neither does an apple. If I were blindfolded and given a taste test, with a chocolate bar as item A, and a carrot as item B, I guarantee I can tell you which one is the chocolate. They do NOT taste the same, people!! And, I don't care what health nut gurus say: eating fruit is NOT THE SAME AS EATING CHOCOLATE. And, and, a carrot won't make my craving for chocolate magically disappear. I want a Hershey bar, not a flippin' carrot. Carrots do not have any milk chocolate-y goodness to them. Carrots are great-don't get me wrong. But, when hormones turn us ladies into moody, homicidal maniacs, the smartest/safest thing to say is, "What type of chocolate would you like? You look great, by the way." The DUMBEST thing you could say goes along the lines of, "Don't you think a nice apple would be better than that fattening chocolate bar? It'll make you gain weight." Because, I will throw the apple at your head and retreat into my corner with my chocolate bar, while mumbling, "My preeeeecioussssss."