This is my pity party, because it's my blog and I can whine if I want to.
I find it hard to make/keep any close friends. It makes me feel like a loser. It's *always* me who has to pick up the phone to call. People don't typically call me to check and see how I'm doing, if I'm still alive, etc. It makes me sad, because after a while I feel like I'm harassing them. I always thought I was pretty fun in a social setting. I'm shy sometimes. Other times I talk a lot. I have ADD, so I tend to be socially awkward, but I don't want to put myself out there any more, because I usually wind up getting hurt in the long run. The *one* person in my life who knew the phone worked both ways, well, she's living in another country, going to vet school, and more than likely she's never going to live here again. Sometimes the kids and the husband just don't cut it, KWIM? But socially awkward me only manages to go out with friends every 2-3 months, and it's usually *me* who has to instigate anything. Sorry if anyone is pissed from this post, but I'm really, really sad right now, because I'm realizing that, in general, I'm merely an acquaintance to most people I know.
I miss my BFF. She's the one person who loves me and accepts me, with my socially awkward personality, negativity and all. Sarah, thank you for being my best friend through thick and thin, through good times and bad, through all my mental times, through my pregnancies, my childbirths, hormones and all. Thank you for listening to my crying through all my teenage drama, for being in my wedding (and helping me plan through the madness), and being an aunt to my children. I <3 you, dear, and I miss you so terribly.